back to school

방학은 끝나고 나는 내일이면 다시 학교로 돌아가야한다. 돌아보면 방학동안 한 것이 없는 것 같다. 난 과연 무엇을 했지? 만화를 보고 드라마를 보고 책을 읽고 밥을 먹고 자고............ 인터넷을 하고 수학을 하고 다시 책을 읽고.

학교에 가고 싶지 않다. 그 곳에는 아무 것도 없다. 내게 가치있는 것들이 하나도 없다. 기쁘지가 않고 배워도 행복하지가 않다. 머리가 커질수록 점점 잃어가는게 더 많고 배우면 배울수록 더 심오해지고 결국 우울해질뿐이다. 생각은 꼬리의 꼬리를 물고 늘어져서 하나를 생각하다보면 결국 열을 파고 있고.... 잡생각들이 자꾸 해치려든다.

그래도 이번 텀에는 좀더 열심히 살아야지. 이틀에 한번꼴로 책을 읽을 것이라고 약속하기!

올해 말엔 꼭 좀 더 맑고 긍정적인 사람이 되어야지...

books

finished frankenstein
finished a book called きらきらひかる written by kaori ekuni
started a book called 'holy garden' by the same author

i felt like i wanted to share this poem

반짝반짝 빛나는 (きらきらひかる）

이리사와 야스오

반짝반짝 빛나는 지갑을 꺼내서 반

짝반짝 빛나는 물고기를 샀다 반짝

반짝 빛나는 여자도 샀다 반짝반

짝 빛나는 물고기를 사서 반짝반짝

빛나는 냄비에 넣었다 반짝반짝 빛

나는 여자가 손에 든 반짝반짝 빛나

는 냄비 속의 물고기 반짝반짝 빛나는

거스름 동전 반짝반짝 빛나는 여

자와 둘이서 반짝반짝 빛나는 물고

기를 가지고 반짝반짝 빛나는 동전

을 가지고 반짝반짝 빛나는 밤길을

돌아간다 별이 반짝반짝 빛나는 밤하늘

이었다 반짝반짝 빛나는 눈물을 흘리

며 반짝반짝 빛나는 여자는 울었다

mum coming home today

my mum is coming today! yay so excited i was so lonely in this big house
and i was quite over the whole junk food cos i didnt want to cook and i always got up late

i miss my dad too he's coming on saturday morning?

i've just finished cleaning the house doing the dishes and laundry
i didnt have to if i didnt want to but i wanted to
i dont want my mum to come home with all the presents and then get upset cos of the destruction mode in our house

i havent been reading much lately cos i've been into this comic called 20th century boy i really like it. it's been out for quite a while and i think it's famous too. it's really good it makes you feel something in you

i also didnt do much of any school work oh god i really need to do my psych and maths.......... i should get going with my psych IA................

fun fun fun

I better get some sleep now since it's quater past 3 already
tired tired

holiday without parents

It's holidays
and my parents went to korea for some business matters

I thought it would be fun without them
but I miss them already

our house is so cold
and it's big

so i get chilly
and the silence that their absence brings
is ..............so...........empty

i've been trying to read a lot of books
but oh god frankenstein...........i have to look up words in dictionary every minute or so.
Just can't speed up. Such an effort.

and i've got piles of others to read such as

1Q84 (yes i've got to read it again)
Shades of grey
The lost symbol
Restaurant at the end of universe
The incident of the lamp post
Anna Karenina
1984
One day in the life off Ivan Denisovich

.......and tonnes more

I think I'll have to read like 2 a day to get things done by the end of this week

so dreading school............


also I feel kinda shit right now because I just cut my hair
and i regret it so much. arghhhh
i had to get rid of my dead ends (they were like 10cm) cos it was disgusting
and i ended up with a very short hair (relatively)

i wanted to cut it more cos the i hate the border of short and long
but then i didn't cos if i cut it short then i would have to straighten it everyday before school and it would be a pain. Also i would just end up with the same damaged hair
which would mean i would have to have short hair for my whole life

hate my hair. damn the straight hair girls.
i envy them